Writing a Condolence Card

20 Aug

Written By Ruth McAllen

Sharing some kind words in a card, at a time of bereavement, can go a long way towards helping a person feel greatly loved and supported, however, it is not an easy task and can be quite challenging to know what to say and how to say it. Having chosen a card, and with pen poised to scribe those important words you may consider many things you could say yet nothing seems quite right, after all it is so easy to say the wrong thing at such a pivotal moment. Or equally you may find your mind draws a blank, and you become so flawed by trying, that the card is cast to one side in the hope of better inspiration another day. Be encouraged to not give up, and learn the valuable craft of writing a heartfelt message of sympathy.

Grievers receive enormous comfort when receiving a condolence card expressing a kind and caring message. It is our way of letting the person know we are aware of their loss, allows us space to express our sympathy, and to share a precious memory, whilst conveying we are there for them.

Choosing a card that is aesthetically pleasing is of the essence, we can easily reach the assumption the card needs to match the gloominess of the moment, so a bland, and plain card is selected. Begin with a warm greeting, whilst taking time to consider further wording. There is no shame in practising a message on a separate piece of paper, your thoughtfulness and consideration will shine through. Apt ingredients for a condolence card may include, acknowledging the loss by stating the reason you are writing “I am so sorry to hear of your sad loss”, saying that you are thinking of them; sharing a personal message from your heart by relaying a fond memory or a great character trait of the person who has died, and if you feel able, offering support in a specific way “I am praying for you”, “I will call next week to see if I can pick up some shopping for you”.

Yet, some things are best left unsaid, this is no time to say “I know just how you feel”, we actually probably do not, even though we have been through the same type of loss. No one can know how it feels to live in another’s persons shoes. Each loss is unique. Let us give space for the rich tapestry of life through uniqueness. Neither use cliches, such as, “It’s a blessing”, “Time heals all wounds”. The person who has just lost a loved one may be confused in the rawness of the moment, and some sayings which easily fall off our tongues could be received as trite and uncaring. It is not about answers but it is a time for the genuine article, bona fide wrapped with supreme loving kindness.